Let's mention grade school for a second. I was never one of the athletes. I tried running cross country in junior high...I lasted all of one race (a two-miler) after the race I quit the team. I spent my high school career as a self proclaimed "All-Star Supporter." My friends and I tried to attend as many sports games as possible (football, soccer, track, wrestling and sometimes baseball). I did do a lot of hiking and we played ultimate frisbee, but I always considered myself one of the fat kids (if I could be high school weight, MAN! That would be AWESOME!), so I never tried to do anything more physical.
As my journey moved on to my college years I was exposed to more possibilities in life, that we don't all have to remain in the mold we thought we fit into in high school. I loved the idea of finding who I was meant to be. I served an 18-month church mission in South America where I really learned that my potential is endless, I still had my hang-ups, but I was full of enthusiasm for finding things I loved. I am not sure if it was before or after I married the love of my life (Brad) that the idea of doing an Ironman entered my head, but is was around that time. I remember reading an email about Dick Hoyt and the amazing father that he is to his son Rick, and I wanted more than ever to do triathlons. A few years later I saw the youtube video about team Hoyt with the song "I Can Only Imagine" that shows the Hoyt duo competing in an Ironman and that seemed to seal my desire to do this ultimate test of endurance and become an "ironwoman" myself.
Even though the desire was there, I did nothing to really begin my journey for a few more years. Finally I traveled to St. George, UT and raced my first Sprint distance triathlon. What an amazing feeling to complete my first race. I was SLOW! The swim went well, the bike wasn't bad except that I thirsty for most of it and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't run or jog. I ended up walking most of the 5K to finish, but I finished. :) Over the next few years I tried to sign up for another triathlon, but I let excuses get in my way; no training time, no money for fees or travel, being too overweight to do it, etc. Maybe some were legitimate excuses, but some were just me not wanting to put in the effort.
When my 35th birthday was creeping up on me I started to feel the pressure of becoming an ironwoman before my life ended. I signed up for an Olympic distance triathlon in Lake Powell the October before I was to turn 35. I did not do as much training as I should have and because of that I went into it knowing it was going to take me five hours, that's right I said FIVE HOURS. My goal was just to finish the race because I was in worse physical shape than I had been at my previous triathlon (can I blame that on my third pregnancy?) This course had us doing two laps on both the swim and bike courses. I started in the second wave for the swim, but was third to last of everyone out of the water (yes I counted). When I was coming around to make my second lap on my bike they tried to get me to go into the transition area because no other Olympic racer was still on the bike course. By the time I started my run most of the competitors were heading home. When I came in to finish EVERYTHING had been taken down and a handful of people were cleaning garbage off the parking lot. When they saw me coming in they created a make-shift finish line for me by creating a funnel of people for me to run through. The race organizer gave me a medal for my tenacity.
The following year, 2011, I went back to Lake Powell and completed the Sprint distance. I don't think I came in last for the sprinters...but maybe I did, at least that time I got to run under the real finish line. Once again I really hadn't trained for it. This had become a pattern. I still had the dream to do an Ironman, but I was starting to feel more and more like only a dream, one of those unattainable goals.
Earlier this year I tried to take a big step closer to the goal by signing up for a half-ironman in October. All summer long I trained, well mostly. As fall came I found myself being extremely stressed out trying to juggle all my roles; wife, mother, housekeeper, and triathlete. One day in September I came as close to a nervous break-down as I ever have. I realized that my priorities are not ordered in a manageable way and I had to cut something out. Sorry Triathlete Kae, you need to take a break. I still told myself I was going to attempt the Half-Ironman, I just had to stop trying to train for it. Just days before the race I decided not to even start the race. I had learned they had certain cut-off times for each leg and it was guaranteed that I would be kicked off the course during the bike portion, I might not even have finished the swim in time to start the bike. This is one starting line that I now wish I would have made it to. Perhaps I wouldn't have been able to finish, but I could have started.
However, this time off has been a blessing. It tore at my heart that some of me (and others) felt like I was giving up completely, but I haven't. I spent all of October trying to come up with a way to motivate myself to stop sitting by the side of my road to my dream and get back on the journey. In that last week I had an epiphany, why don't I blog about it. At the idea to the premise of my blog was a lot like the movie "Julie and Julia." I would pick an Ironman that I was going to do and do a blow by blow of my training for it. Then I realized that maybe that wouldn't work.
After a few days of thought I came to the conclusion that what I really want is to share my journey, the successes AND the failures as I attempt to accomplish this. To share if I can finally get my "baby weight" off, or if I can perform just fine with it hanging around. To share when I finally get closer to finding the balance between so many important and demanding roles. I guess my hope is that through my journey towards becoming an ironwoman I might just be able to inspire others to reach for their seemingly-out-of-reach-goals. Maybe I won't change anyone else's life, but I really hope to change mine.
I can't wait to read about your journey from here on. Your perseverance is an inspiration and you are amazing! I am so lucky to have you as a friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah! :) I feel the same about you!
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